Pregnancy Heartburn Life Hack

I have to share my favorite pregnancy hack that has made the third trimester so lovely! Most pregnant women in the second and third trimesters deal with a lot of heartburn because of all the pressure from that growing baby! This causes a lack of sleep, which leads to making everything else just a little bit more difficult, when you already have a lot to deal with.

I stumbled upon a great solution just by accident, and I have to share it! I love ice cream (what pregnant woman doesn't?) and I found that on nights that I had a scoop of Blue Bell half an hour to an hour before bed, I didn't have ANY heartburn! It took a while for me to catch on to the correlation between the two, but sure enough, on nights that I didn't have any ice cream, the heart burn was inevitable. I realize that only the south has Blue Bell, but I'm sure that there are other brands that work just as well :) After doing some research I found that there is actually something scientific to it all- the calcium is what helps. Tums are basically calcium, but instead of taking something that eats at your stomach lining, I preferred to eat something that padded it :) I tried a glass of milk on a few occasions, and while it helped, the heartburn was still there, just not as bad. I guess milk just doesn't stand up to the wonders of heavy cream.

For the last few months I have had a scoop of Blue Bell every night about an hour before bed (my husband calls it my "prescription" medicine), and haven't had any heartburn since! I guess there really is something to pregnancy and ice cream- now if they only made a pickle flavor!

True Confessions of a Gluten-Free Pregnant Woman

It has been 286 days since I have eaten gluten (roughly 10 months).

I have only two weeks until my due date, and I'm honestly not sure which I am more excited about- having the baby, or having my first meal with gluten post-baby.

You think this is a game? The struggle is real!

As women, we make a lot of sacrifices for our children even before they are born! We sacrifice sleep, comfort, our pre-baby bodies, and the list could go on depending on your pregnancy. But I think we can all agree that the sacrifices are more than worth the reward of bringing a new life into the world!

Almost two years ago I had a miscarriage, which was devastating, followed by 15 months of infertility, which was frustrating, and then we were finally able to discover the possible problem. I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's, which is a thyroid disease in which your body produces anti-bodies that attack your thyroid as if it were a disease, which can lead to hypothyroidism, which can result in infertility and miscarriage. I started medication to regulate my thyroid production and also did some research that suggested that a gluten free diet could also help in regulating thyroid fluctuations. At that point, if you had told me standing on my head might help, I would have done it in an instant!

However, I LOVE food. I grew up in South Louisiana where the entire culture revolves around food, and really good food at that! I knew that giving up gluten would be difficult, but it was a sacrifice I was willing to make. We were VERY blessed and got pregnant the next month! (Sure wish we would have known about Hashimoto's two years ago...) We did not want to take this new pregnancy for granted or take any chances, so I decided to stay gluten-free as well as taking the medication until the safe arrival of our bundle of joy.

Let me just say...it has been a LONG ten months.

I had read so many blogs about how easy and wonderful it was to be gluten-free. I am an optimistic, upbeat person, but I feel like someone needs to address the other side of being gluten-free just to give others a realistic view. Some of these views may be stronger simply because I am pregnant, and that seems to magnify everything :)

Here are some things that I have learned about myself and being gluten-free over the last ten months.

1. Get ready to cook a lot

Almost all prepared foods, frozen foods, and processed foods have gluten in them. Basically this means that if you don;t plan ahead and cook, you will starve. Being pregnant and wanting to eat a million times a day doesn't help. Especially when those random cravings begin and you can't eat any of them- it is really important to have some kind of back-up plan, which requires...well, planning. The first trimester is the worst, because it always turned my stomach to cook with morning sickness, but if you don't cook, you don't eat, and if you don't eat, that morning sickness will only get worse! Also, get ready to eat the same few meals over and over again (for us- red beans and rice, tacos, spaghetti with gluten free pasta, etc.)

2. There are whole sections of the grocery store you will never visit

I basically shop in only a few aisles of the grocery store in my gluten-free diet- the produce section, the meat section, and the dairy section. Everything else is gluten, and going down the aisles is not only tempting, but kind of depressing. I just pretend like the rest of the grocery store doesn't exist- no cereal, crackers, breads, frozen foods, cookies, the whole bakery, etc.

3. Getting invited to dinner with friends is complicated

I have now become THAT person...the one who gets invited to dinner with friends and then has to ask what we are eating so that I can try to politely let them know that I can't eat that. Or I can choose to not mention it and eat before we go, which is always weird. Or I can offer to bring the food (but they invited us to dinner so that they could make food for us). Bleh. I hate that. It doesn't take long before people simply don't invite us to dinner, because it really is just too complicated to eat a meal together.

4. Eating out is not the same

Eating out at a restaurant is a real ordeal. Choosing something off of the menu can be downright depressing. The first thing I do is scan the menu, skip the sections of pasta, sandwiches, burgers, pizzas, desserts, anything battered or fried, and narrow down what options I may have left. This will usually be a salad or a grilled meat with veggie sides. There are times where there is literally NOTHING on the menu that I can eat. How is that possible? The problem is that I know EXACTLY what I want. I just can't eat it. So I try to decided between the two or three options that I have, and then the great inquisition begins. I hate being that person at the table with a million questions and the complicated order, but they are really good at hiding gluten in just about everything. So I order something, and I eat that. It definitely isn't the same restaurant experience as before.

5. The gluten-free loop holes will always give you the short end of the stick

Every now and then you go to a restaurant that has gluten-free options, which is always great because you have more options, but also bad because it costs twice as much. Trust me when I say that you will always get the short end of the stick when ordering gluten-free. If they have a gluten free bread option for the sandwiches, they usually charge extra. If they don't charge extra, their bread slices are really small and you end up with the equivalent of half a sandwich. When you are eating for two, it can be really frustrating. Also, be prepared to be patient, because the gluten free food is always the last to come out. I'm not sure why, but it happens every time.

6. Gluten-free foods are not the same

When I tell people I am gluten free, they love to make the comment that there are so many gluten free options out there now, which is true, and I do appreciate that there are gluten-free options out there. However, do not think that a gluten-free pretzel is going to taste like a regular pretzel, or gf pasta, or crackers, cookies, etc. They just don't taste the same. The pretzels taste like rice, the crackers taste like rice, the baked goods always have this very distinct grainy after-taste. They are bearable and will curb an absolutely undeniable craving (mostly because after eating the gf substitute you never want to crave that food again), but they are NOT the same. They also cost about five times as much. After eating rice-tasting gf substitutes that cost an arm and a leg a few times, I have learned to live without and eat things that are already gluten free like popcorn or corn chips. It just isn't worth getting my hopes up only to be disappointed.

7. The cravings do not go away with time

What has my #1 pregnancy craving been? Gluten. Hands down. I want it. I REALLY want it, ALL THE TIME. People say that after a few weeks you won't even crave it any more, and you won't miss it, and you will feel so good without it that you will never want to go back. That has not been my experience. I feel the same without it. I do miss it. And I still crave it. It is no joke. I still remember my husband and I going to visit some friends. They asked us to pick up some pizza for everyone on the way to their house. They insisted that we get it from one of the only places that doesn't offer a gluten free crust. I'm a big girl- I can handle it! We picked up a salad for me and the pizza for everyone else. My husband was driving, so I got to hold the pizza in my lap the whole way there...just smelling that awesome cheesy goodness on that puffy, bready crust...mmmmm. This was a low point for me, but I had a minor break down. With tears. Not a little bit of crying either- the ugly crying. Over pizza. I could probably get away with blaming pregnancy hormones, but let's face the truth- I love gluten, and I still crave it. I will literally catch myself watching someone eat a cookie, and I'm just fantasizing about what it tastes like even after ten months.

8. I have developed strange food pet peeves

There are some strange reactions that I have developed in the last ten months that I am not particularly proud of. One thing that annoys me is when people waste bread. Sometimes if a bun is bigger than a hamburger patty people will peel away the extra bread and throw it away. Every fiber of my being wants to swoop down on that discarded bread as if they were throwing away a hundred dollar bill! Or you go to a birthday party and everyone only eats half of their piece of cake and throws the rest away, and inside I just want to cry, and make that cake feel the appreciation that it deserves!

Then there is the issue of non gluten-free people eating gluten-free foods. I will splurge and buy the box of gluten free brownie mix for $6 (which is like a dollar per brownie) and make a treat for myself (even while knowing it will not taste remotely like the real thing). And then someone who eats gluten all day every day wants to have one, just to see what they taste like. This is like asking Frodo to give up the ring. But nice people don't say no, so I give them one. Their reaction at this point is a lose/lose. If they say, "That doesn't taste so bad, I don't know what you're complaining about." Then I'm thinking, "Easy for you to say- you can just wash it down with a piece of cake!" Or if they say, "Oh you're right, that does have a gritty aftertaste," then I'm thinking, "You ate one of my precious brownies and I knew you wouldn't like it!" This is why I hide food now. It's better for everyone that way.

I have a lot to be thankful for. Most of all, this is temporary! I am so glad that I don't have Celiac disease- I would have a serious breakdown. Gluten is a small thing to give up in order to have a healthy baby, but if it were for a reason any less important it would definitely not be worth it. Going gluten free is completely doable, but I will be really glad when I no longer have to do it! There are heroic people out there who create incredible gluten-free cuisine and make it all look easy, but I am just not one of them :(

Places to go with Kids in Lafayette, Louisiana

I work with elementary-aged, at risk kids at a non-profit organization. We have a six-week day camp that costs them $25 per kid (total, not per day...), so you can imagine how creative we have to be to stretch the budget to make a memorable and amazing summer at the same time. When looking at the lists of "things to do in Lafayette" I am sometimes astounded at the prices. So here is a list of really cheap (or free) and fun things to do and places to go with a group (or a few) kids in Lafayette or within reasonable driving distance- just in time for summer planning fun! This list is great for groups, but also for moms who want to keep their kids engaged throughout the summer without breaking the bank.

They are numbered only because I like numbers- there is no special order.

For One or More Kids- This section is for all the moms out there!

1. Lafayette Science Museum and Planetarium- Lafayette
Our group rate came out to $1 per person. Can't. Beat. That. Most of the time the kids tire quickly of a museum, but we could have easily spent over two hours there. They have great interactive exhibits upstairs that the kids will love as well as a planetarium show.

2. Louisiana Old State Capitol- Baton Rouge
The Old State Capitol is free to tour and looks like a castle. My kids wanted to know when we would meet Cinderella :) It is a beautiful place to look around and they have a Louisiana history museum inside as well as a video, etc. There is also a beautiful lawn to eat a picnic lunch under the oak trees! The building is beautiful and it is completely free. They have a 3-D video experience available about the history of the building for $3 per ticket that I highly recommend. This is not your boring history film- be ready for a few fun surprises!

3. U.S.S. Kidd- Baton Rouge
Of you have a group of 20 or more the cost is only $4 per person to tour this battleship. However, right now they have the first Sunday of every month themed and the entrance is free! The kids LOVED it! It is like a huge metal playground. They crawled all over everything and couldn't possibly break anything even if they tried. The moveable metal turret guns were a favorite. We could have spent all day there, except there is no air conditioning, so go early before it gets hot. Metal ship + high temperatures = miserably baking. They also have a museum inside (with air conditioning) that is a must see so you can cool off on your way out.

4. Nature Station- Lafayette
All 4th graders take a field trip here, so make sure you take your kids before they hit 4th grade, that way the repeat trip will be on someone else's watch :) I have actually never been since I don't want to duplicate a trip for our older kids, but I have heard good things! They have hiking trails, presentations for groups, a kayak launch, etc. If your child is really into nature, they also have a young naturalists club.

5. Lafayette City Parks- Lafayette
Swimming! If you aren't a part of a gym that has a pool, then the city pools post their schedules at the end of May, and it only costs $1 per visit. Earl J. Chris in an indoor pool for rainy days and Girard Park is usually empty (plus they have a pond where you can feed the dicks, a great playground, and frisbee golf course). Different pools are open on different days and times, so be sure to check the schedule with the city.

6. Ira Nelson Horticultural Center and Gardens- Lafayette
Most people have never heard of this place and pass by it every day! You can tour the greenhouse and gardens used by UL students to do plant and agricultural research for free. I'm not sure how big of a group you need to tour, but we didn't even take the tour and had a blast. We had our kids do a scavenger hunt to find certain flowers, vegetables, and other things in nature, and spent the whole afternoon exploring. They also have a childrens garden with themed beds and trivia questions for the kids to interact with.

7. Lake Martin and Cypress Island- Breaux Bridge
This is another great place for a scavenger hunt. They have a drive through the swamp where you can see alligators along the edge of the road (sometimes even in the road!) If you go in the spring you can see all of the birds nesting, which is pretty amazing. They also have a wooden plank walking tail over the swamp water so you can see the cypress tress, turtles, and egrets close up. They also have swamp boat tours from the dock, and that is the only part that costs anything at all!

8. Tabasco Factory Tour- Avery Island
This one is a bit of a drive, so I won't be taking my whole group anytime soon, but for a family trip it is perfect. The tour of the factory where you see how they make the pepper sauce is free as well as the gift shop, which has free samples of some crazy Tabasco products like Tabasco ice cream and Tabasco Coke. There are also some cool gardens that you can tour, but the price on that is $8 adult/ $5 child. This falls outside of our budget, but if it fits yours, it is a great way to spend the day.

9. FoodNet- Lafayette
A great way to spend time is giving back! Food Net is a great place to take kids because they can help pack the food boxes, sort canned goods and more! Call in advance to see when they can use an extra set of hands and teach your kids about helping others while having a great time. They also now have a FoodNet community garden that they may need help at. If you want your kids to learn about growing their own food, this is a great way to do it while helping others.

10. Movie Theater- Lafayette
The Grand movie theater usually shows already released movies during the day with special rates for kids (like $3 a piece). They put their schedule out as summer gets closer, so be sure to check it out. With the price of regular tickets, this is the only way I'll see the inside of a theater!

11. Public Library- Lafayette
Be sure to look at the public library's schedule of events. They always have TONS of free stuff going on for all age groups!

12. Local Fire Station
Bake cookies and deliver them to the fire station If you let them know in advance and there aren't any fires, you may get to see the fire truck or have an impromptu tour of the fire station.

13. Louisiana State Museum (Baton Rouge)
This museum is amazing! It is full of awesome stuff that will amaze the kids, and best of all it is free! It has a great visual and hands on exhibits including full size steamboats, combines, and mardi gras floats.

14. Cultural Activities
South Louisiana has a ton of cultural activities- so much so that I won't even try to list them all. However, there is always a festival, parade, or local event to attend if you keep an eye out!

15. Downtown Lafayette
I am just going to roll all of these activities up into one. Downtown Lafayette has a lot of family friendly activities include Movies in the Parc, Artwalk, and more. Some of these activities are on a regular basis and others are special events, so keep an eye on the calendar!

16. Be Creative
Take the kids to places they have never seen before. We took our kids to tour a bank once, and they were more impressed with the escalators and windows from the top of the tall building than the bank tour itself. Try going to the airport to watch planes take off and land. Pick fruit or vegetables at a local farm. Explore new areas of the city. There is always something new to see, and kids find the smallest things absolutely fascinating!


For Groups Only- Great for class or church trips

1. Great Harvest Bread Co. Tour and Bread Making- Lafayette
Great Harvest gives an awesome lesson on how bread is made, tour of their bread making facility, and let the kids make their very own bread creations complete with chef hats! Such a great experience for the kids!

2. Police Station Tour- Lafayette
The police station gives tours of the facility to the kids, and it can be a real eye-opener. The kids will get to see armored vehicles, drug dog training in action, drink driver testing, the police training facility and more. It is a great place to take a group for free.

3. KLFY TV-10 News Station Tour- Lafayette
A news station tour is great for the kids! Getting to play in front of a green screen was the highlight by far, but you also get to play on the news sets, see the behind the scenes of the filming and editing process, and sometimes meet some familiar faces from the news.

4. Bank Tour
Check at different places to see is you can schedule a bank tour. Our kids loved seeing the inside of a vault and will never forget seeing over $100,000 in cash! They got to see how the drive through worked with the tubes sending money in and out, etc. This is a great follow-up trip after talking about money or finances.

I know there are LOTS more, and I'm sure I will add to this later as I remember more. What else do you love to do with kids around Lafayette, LA on a budget???

Eve's Curse: A Biblical Look at Miscarriage and Infertility

Earlier this year, my husband and I were expecting our first child and went through the pain of having a miscarriage at nine weeks. For more on the first few months of dealing with miscarriage, see

this post

. After having a miscarriage or struggling with infertility, there are so many questions that surface and resurface  while dealing with the emotional, physical, and mental battles that go along with these issues.

Questions like, "Why has this happened to me?"

"Why do bad things happen to good people?"

And for Christians, the questions go much deeper, “How could a God who loves me take away something that I love so much?"

"Is God punishing me?"

"How could God’s plan include me losing a child, or facing a childless future?"

And then a particular one that I struggled with, "I know that God wants me to surrender everything to Him, that He has given and so He can take away, but what else does He want me to give up?" 

When you google verses about infertility or miscarriage, you will get pages of flowery promises that all things will work together for good, and you will have a child as promised, and your descendents will number more than the stars in the sky. If these verses are meant to comfort the hurting woman, they are failing miserably because it only makes us question more why that isn't coming true in our own lives. As always when a situation is very personal and we are emotionally invested, we are only seeing one side of the story. It is time to look at the Bible for answers, yes, but not just the parts that we want to be true for us, but the entire redemptive story as a whole.

Here is my disclaimer- I am not a Bible scholar. I did not go to seminary. I do not know what the Greek word means. I have a Bible, and I read it, asking God for discernment to see what perspective it has to offer us because it is God's Word, and it is always true and relevant. I'm in the same place you are. That said, let's dive in!

Why do bad things happen to good people?

To begin, let's admit that our definition of good and bad is relative. We look at the evil in the world and anything better than that is considered good. Unfortunately for us, the only perspective that matters is God's. He looks at His own perfection and anything that does not match it in every way is sinful. "For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God." (Rom. 3:23) "All have turned away, they have together become worthless; there is no one who does good, not even one." (Rom. 3:12). I will not be so audacious to claim that I am a “good” person. I am a sinful person who has been forgiven by God’s grace. SInce I did nothing to deserve this grace, I can cannot demand anything of God based on my “goodness”.

How could God's plan include me losing a child or facing a childless future?

Setting the Scene from the Beginning

With that in mind, let's reset our perspectives to focus not on ourselves, but on God, whose thoughts are higher than our thoughts, and whose ways are higher than our ways (Is. 55:9). To get the right idea about any issue that we face, we have to have a correct view of God, His character, and His intentions for us as human beings. God created Adam and Eve to live in perfect harmony with Him in the Garden of Eden. The Garden was a home for them that was free of sin, death, jealousy, pain, pride, illness, and tears. It was a place of perfect communion with the Creator of the universe and his creation. THIS was the plan- THIS is what God wanted to share with us forever. 

However, humans have free will, and Adam and Eve sinned by breaking the one rule that God had given them, not to eat the fruit from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. By eating the fruit, they choose a path different from what God had planned and sin entered the picture. All sin comes with consequences, because God is just (I would have Him no other way!). The specific consequence for Eve’s sin demonstrates, in my opinion, one of the greatest struggles that she will have to face as a woman.

Genesis 3:16, "To the woman he [God] said, "I will make your pains in childbearing very severe; with painful labor you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you."

The second part of the curse is that her desire will be for her husband (a discussion for another day). But the first part of the curse is that she will have pain in childbirth. Growing up I always believed this to be a physical pain in the actual birthing process, but I would like to assert that this curse is a much more comprehensive pain that every woman experiences. This pain could take the form of frustration over not being able to have children, the grief of losing a child before it can be born, the burden that drives some women to take the life of their children prematurely in the womb, or the weight of responsibility that comes with actually giving birth to another human being that is solely in your care. As all mothers know, the pain does not end with birth but continues as they grow- pain when they hurt, pain when they choose not to follow God, pain when they reject you. The pain of childbirth is only one form of this curse. 

The one thing that is unique to women, the ability to procreate, comes with an amazing bond between mother and child, a love that transcends any other kind of love, but now it comes at a price. This love for your child, and this desire for them, brings pain no matter what the circumstances that surround the conception, pregnancy, birth, and beyond. We have been cursed as a result of our own sin, and this is our burden to bear as women. God did not do this to us, and this was NOT His plan. Satan gave us a temptation, and we traded God's plan for our own. Romans 6:23a says, "For the wages of sin is death." And God even warned Adam and Eve that if they ate from the tree they would surely die. We have all chosen sin, and we have been dying ever since. We chose death.

How can a God who loves me deprive me of something that would make me so happy?

I came across a verse months after I thought I had fully processed and “accepted” the miscarriage that said:

Exodus 23 24-26  Do not bow down before their gods or worship them or follow their practices. You must demolish them and break their sacred stones to pieces. Worship the Lord your God, and his blessing will be on your food and water. I will take away sickness from among you, and none will miscarry or be barren in your land. I will give you a full life span.

I just "happened" to run across these verses in my daily Bible reading. I stopped in my tracks, reread it, and reread it again. And then I found a similar passage in Deuteronomy 7:14, "You will be blessed more than any other people; none of your men or women will be childless, nor will any of your livestock be without young." What does it mean? I am a Christian, a follower of His word, so am I taking this promise out of context to want to grab hold of it and show it to God expecting to get my way? 

First of all, yes I was taking it out of context, God is speaking to the people of Israel at a particular time in history which does not apply to me on either count (I'm not an Israelite and I was not alive thousands of years ago). And secondly, as I began to look closer at the verses I noticed that the condition for this promise was that the people follow God exclusively and not follow idols.  I immediately consoled myself that I was not worshiping any idol besides God! 

However, further thought made me realize that this was not the case. I am not worshiping just one idol, but many! Hobbies, work, family, time consuming things like social media and other time-wasters, but the most consistent and recent idol of all...having a baby. It consumes more of my thought than Christ does on any given day.  So to address the question of whether a God who loves me would deprive me of something I love, the Bible makes it clear that God is a jealous God with one requirement, that He be first (Exo. 4:14). Always. Of course He should not give me the very idol that I am so fervently seeking to replace Him with, and nor should He! That wouldn't be love, but enabling. I have straightening of priorities to do if I am to be the mother that Christ would desire me to be. I am not there yet! I do not want a God who feeds my addictions or spoils me into an inability to focus on His will.

Is God punishing me?

Even in light of this thought, no, God is not punishing you. Punishment is given out of anger, and consequences are given out of love, in the same way that a parent trains a child in the way that they should go. I do not think that my miscarriage was a direct result of the idols in my life, but it does prove a point. You see, our perspective has been a selfish one all along, looking to our own interests instead of God's. And because of that, God can use these broken times in our lives to rebuild us into followers that know and understand Him more clearly. He can fix our eyes on Him (Heb. 12:2).

Whose fault is it?

One of my first thoughts after having a miscarriage was that this was not, and could not be my fault. I had done everything right, I had followed the letter of the law when it came to "what  to expect when you’re expecting" and every other piece of literature I could get my hands on. I was certainly not at fault, and couldn't handle the idea of any guilt on top of the grief I was already processing. However, looking at the story of Adam and Eve, it is pretty clear that all consequences in life that are painful are a result of sin. It may not be a direct result, for example, doing something to intentionally harm the baby, but it is indirectly all a consequence of sin- because before sin, none of this pain existed. It is our fault. God is not punishing us, but it is a consequence of our actions as a human race.

Biblical Examples

There are many situations in the Old Testament where infertility and miscarriage are a direct result of a sin that someone committed.

Here are just a few of those examples:

2 Samuel 6- Michal, the wife of King David, despises and rebukes him for dancing before the Lord, and is never able to have children as a result

Genesis 20- Abraham lies to King Abimilech that his wife Sarah is his sister, and when the King takes Sarah as his wife, every woman in his household is struck with infertility until Sarah is returned to Abraham

But if we continue to look at Biblical examples of infertility, we see many women who struggled with infertility, some for decades, and then were able to give birth, and almost always to extraordinary characters who play major roles in history.

A few examples include:

Genesis 15-21- Sarah, the wife of Abraham and mother of Isaac, the patriarchs of God chosen nation of Israel, was infertile until she was 90 years old

Genesis 25- Rebecca, Isaac's wife and the next generation of patriarchs, was infertile for 20 years, but eventually gave birth to twins, Jacob and Esau

Genesis 30- Rachel, the wife of Jacob and third generation of the patriarchs also struggles with infertility while watching Jacob's other wife bear son after son, she eventually gives birth to Joseph and Benjamin

Judges 13-14- Samson's mother, unnamed in the Bible, struggles with infertility for years before being visited by an angel and given instructions for raising her son, the strongest man who will ever live

I Samuel 1- Hannah, the mother of Samuel, dedicated her son to the Lord after years of infertility, and he became a prophet for the people of Israel

Luke 1- Elizabeth gave birth to John the Baptist in her old age even though she was barren for many years

As you can see, there are many Biblical examples of women of faith, who follow God wholeheartedly, and still struggle with infertility and miscarriage. However, it is amazing to me to look at the ending of these particular stories, because they always result in being a part of a much larger and more fulfilling plan. Hear this clearly: having a child in the end was not what made their lives more fulfilling, it was the process of faith and releasing their hopes and dreams to the Lord for Him to do His will with, no matter what the end result. You see, tragedy and triumph go together. When we overcome the pain with the love of Christ, when we work through the grief knowing that God will lead us through the valley of the shadow of death to the other side (Ps. 23:4), there is a promise for those who are faithful. This promise is not to make our dreams come true as we so often want to believe, it is not for us to get our way, and it is not for us to be happy. 

God’s Work of Reconciliation

In light of the scripture, we wonder then, is here no hope for Eve? Has her sin cast her and our sin cast us out of ever having the possibility of having children? Are we doomed to this cursed fate forever? Just as in every story, there is a turning point! A point at which all odds seem bent towards destruction, but that is not the end. Jesus is our turning point. Even after we chose sin, God loved us so much that He did not leave us to die in our sins (1 John 1:9). Instead He made a way for us to be restored to Him. 

Throughout history, death and life are closely knit together and are interrelated. Jesus’ death and life overthrew the former system of the power of sin and death. There is a new theme in scripture, and that is that Christ is making all things new (Rev. 21:5). He restores our soul (Ps. 23:3). He is seeking and saving what was lost (Luke 19:10). He is in the act of reconciling all things to Himself (Col. 1:20). This restorative, reconciliatory work will not be complete until we are united with Him in an earthly death, which results in a new, eternal life for those who follow Him and have called on His name (John 1:12). However, we do see the beginnings of this reconciliation taking place on earth through the demonstration of His grace. Children are born, lives are saved, women do experience the joy of conceiving and giving birth, and every time that happens, it is an extension of God’s grace to us, an undeserving people. You see, we have had the wrong perspective all along- it is not God who keeps us from having children, it is God who gives us the opportunity.

This is where our promises from God come in! The promise is that God loves us unconditionally (Rom. 8:38-39), He will never leave or forsake us (Deut. 31:6), He has a plan for us that has hope for our future (Jer. 29:11), He will give us peace through the journey (Phil. 4:7), and He will restore our souls (Ps. 23:3). Once we are able to look at the situation with faith, not a faith that believes that our will will come to pass, but a faith that trusts that God’s will for us is greater for His Kingdom (not ours) then we will receive His peace and have the opportunity to joyfully take part in what He is doing.  In this life we are not promised health and wealth, but instead we are promised hardship and sacrifice (John 16:33). God is not punishing you, it is a result of our sin. But at the same time, He will use even the consequences of sin to work together for the good of those who love Him (Rom. 8:28), even when that good may not take the form we want it to.

My Confession

When people would find out about the miscarriage, they would usually say “I’m sorry that happened.” In the back of my mind I would think, but there is nothing to be sorry for. You didn't do anything. I didn't do anything. It just happened. But I have a different approach now. I do have things to be sorry for, attitudes that I need to confess. I need to be careful that I approach this issue with God’s perspective and a correct view of Him. I encourage you to take down the blame, doubt, guilt, shame, pride, and grief that you are working through for a moment so that you can be real and authentic with God. It is time for me to confess. 

I am sorry that I have put other things before you, God. I confess that I have put my own will above Your will at the risk of Your kingdom. I am sorry that I have questioned your love, that I have been tempted to give blame to you when the true sinner is myself, and for not recognizing that the ultimate blame is on Satan for his temptation in the garden. Satan is so tricky to deceive us into blaming You for his handiwork! I confess that I have wanted my great faith and my own dreams to be an answer and solution to the problem, instead of having faith in You and Your will, that You are working all things together for good. I lift up the cursed women around the world and ask that You would restore our souls. We humble ourselves and and submit to Your will. Forgive us. Give us patience. Give us strength. Give us a renewed mind and spirit. But above all else, give us a desire for You first and foremost. For You are making all things new!

Dealing with Miscarriage: What to Expect When You're No Longer Expecting

I have read that 30-50% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage, most before women even know they are pregnant. I couldn't care less about this statistic until I became one of the 30-50%. If you are as well, it's time to talk. 

A little bit of my story...

My husband and I were so excited to find out that we were pregnant in March. I am a planner, and already had nursery colors picked out, top baby name choices, and yes, even the crib set up in the would-be nursery. We couldn't be happier to be new parents! At our nine week ultrasound, we got the news that every woman secretly fears every day of her pregnancy...there was no heartbeat. Devastation is the only word to describe the feeling. At the doctor's office they were running behind on the ultrasound appointments. They needed the room, and we were ushered out. And so began one of the most difficult seasons that I have ever had to walk through. If you are faced with a similar situation, I hope this helps.

What to Expect When You're No Longer Expecting

1. You Will Feel Very Alone Because No One Talks About it

Women do not talk about miscarriage, and I'm not sure why. Why do women wait to tell everyone that they are pregnant? Because they might have a miscarriage. Here's my question: so what? I am so grateful that I had told my family and close friends that we were pregnant before the miscarriage happened! How do you tell your mother, "I was pregnant, but I had a miscarriage." It was really nice to be able to rejoice with all of them for a time, and then let them share in the loss as well. 

The worst part about miscarriage is that you feel so alone, whether or not people know. Others wonder what you are still upset about, I mean, you've been crying about this longer than you were pregnant! When you are still dealing with the pain, they have forgotten that you were even expecting (if anyone even knew at all). And even those closest to you, like your husband, will be sympathetic but will not understand the emotions that you are going through.  You will feel like the only one in the world without a baby, but you're not. There are so many women who are experiencing the same emotional and physical roller coaster you are, but no one talks about it. 

It seems like after I had my miscarriage, almost everyone I talked to had had a miscarriage at some point as well. And some of their stories kept me from having pity parties- women who had 14 miscarriages in a row, lost their baby at 8.5 months, or who had three miscarriages and two stillborn children. Talking to women who had not only lived through such tragedies, but could also praise God for His provision through them were such a huge help for me. This is something we need to talk more about.

This is our 6 week ultrasound when baby was doing well.
This is the only photograph we have of our first child.

2. You Will be an Emotional Wreck

You will cry, a lot, and it's ok. Cry away! Months may go by, and you still see something randomly that makes the tears stream down your face uncontrollably. If it makes you feel better, you can blame the crazy amounts of confused hormones in your body (I know I do!). Whatever you are feeling, its ok. When you see yet another baby announcement on facebook, and you want to throw your laptop out a window, it's ok. When you see a newborn in the grocery store and start crying, its ok. When everyone around you seems to be progressing in life, and you are standing still, it's ok. 

A good friend of mine wanted to have lunch a few months after, and since we hadn't seen each other in several years, I just knew she was going to tell me she was pregnant. The whole way driving to meet her, I was physically sick to my stomach because I literally couldn't handle one more person's joyous news. She wasn't pregnant, thank goodness! And then I felt guilty for feeling that way, and you know what, it's ok. 

When I would try to keep the pain away, it would follow me into my dreams! One night I dreamed that I was walking along a road and saw a birds' nest in a tree with a mother bird sitting on three eggs. The nest fell out of the tree and the eggs broke on the ground. Immediately I fell to my knees with heaving sobs, crying uncontrollably, the kind of sobbing that comes from the stomach and you can't breathe. Everyone around was looking at me like I was crazy for crying over such a small thing. I woke up with that renewed feeling that you get after a really good cry. Take my advice- give yourself permission to cry a little every day, just don't let yourself stay there.

3. Others' Ignorance Will Cause You Pain

People who hardly know you will ask with a playful smile if you are expecting anytime soon. Why do they do that? Because they have no idea, that's why. It isn't their fault, but I have decided to NEVER ask this question to anyone. If they are expecting, and they wanted you to know, they would have told you. If they want a child, but are not expecting it is because they are dealing with something very painful, whether it be a miscarriage or infertility. People will ask you, and it always seem to be on the most inopportune days. You don't have to smile and answer like nothing is going on, but then again, you don't have to answer at all!

That was the happiest moment!!!

4. Mother's Day will Come

My miscarriage happened early in May, and the following week was Mother's Day. That was a tough day. I so desperately wanted someone to tell me, "Happy Mother's Day", to legitimize the fact that something real had happened! But at the same time, I was so afraid that someone might say something and I break into a thousand pieces and never recover. If you have had a miscarriage, you have the right to celebrate or not celebrate mother's day.You are a mother. You will always be a mother. And you have lost a child.

This is a painting my husband and I made
to announce our pregnancy to family and friends.
It is now a precious memory!

5. Your Body Will be Confused

I will not go into details here. Besides, I have a feeling it is different for everyone. But here's what I do know- your body will be very confused, and it will take a while to get back to normal. 

Your body is probably in shock, which is why it is doing crazy things right now, not to mention the huge amounts of hormones driving you half insane. Quit googling and call your doctor, they will help you know how to deal with whatever the issue is. This won't last forever. And if a male doctor tells you what kind of pain to expect during a miscarriage, keep in mind that he has no personal experience in this area.

6. It Will Shake the Very Core of What You Believe

Whatever you believe, having a miscarriage will call your faith into question. I am a Christian, and I take God at His word. In return, I follow Him with my life to the best of my ability. I had some people tell me that this was part of God's plan. I also had people tell me that my baby was looking down on me from heaven with angel wings playing a harp in a beautiful garden. I'm sure they meant well, but the Bible doesn't say either of these things.

Women having miscarriages was never God's plan! God's plan was perfect, and humans brought sin into the world in the Garden of Eden. As a result, we live in a fallen world and bad things happen, but this was never the plan. However, I do believe that God uses everything that we go through to shape us into people who look more like Him. James 1:3-4 says, "you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

But what about the promise in Jeremiah 29:11? "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." It occurred to me in this process that maybe my plan for me is not the same as God's plan for me. And then the true question- can I trust that God's plan is best and follow Him no matter what? Is Jesus enough? Truly enough? If I lose everything, not just this one thing, will I still trust and follow Him with joy? I wrestled with this question for months, and I think I will never know the answer to that question unless I am forced to by my circumstances in life. But for me, in this loss, the answer is yes! After all, God knows what it's like to lose a child.

God is not punishing you for something that you did wrong, the Bible says that he grieves with us, bottles up our tears, and will never leave our side. He never says that this life will be easy, in fact He promises the opposite! In John 16:33 Jesus says, "In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." Jesus promises that He will carry us through the hardships and that He is making all things new! The hope and future that He has for us is in heaven, not this world.

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What now?

The first question I asked my husband after we found out, was "what do I do now?" How do you move on?

1. Take the Time to Figure Out What You Have Lost

This may seem simple to do, but in fact it is so much more complicated than I have even still figured out. This was our first child, and the list of loss to mourn is long. Obviously, you are mourning the death of a child. It is amazing how much you can miss someone that you never met, amazing how deep the loss of a child you were never able to hold in the first place. You will feel like a piece of you has died, and the empty hole it has left is so overwhelming. You are grieving the loss of knowing their gender, their personality, what they would have looked like, and all of the times you would have shared...you know, the ones you had already thought about in your mind with each passing week of pregnancy. First time holding them in the delivery room, first steps, first words, first day of school, learning to drive, getting married- you are mourning all of it at one time. 

But you could be mourning so much more than that. For me as a first time mother, so much hope and anticipation was wrapped up in that plastic stick that announced the news. I have always wanted to be a mother, and I think that it is a miracle to carry a life inside of you. Releasing my "right" to be a mother, the hopes for this new life, the plans that I had for raising him or her is just as much a loss. Each person is losing something different.

The crib is still set up...

2. Take Time to Figure Out What You Have Gained

While you are experiencing loss on so many different levels, you will also gain some things, and have others to be grateful for. Make sure to make a list of those things as well. As this was our first, we are grateful to know that we can conceive. I am more grateful for life in general, and do not take this gift for granted. I am extremely grateful for an amazing husband who has been with me every step of the way, on the good and bad days, when I wasn't sure if I was crazy or sane. He will make a great father :) I am grateful for God's grace, that peace in the storm that is so reassuring that this is not the end, but a step along the way. Take time to appreciate the things that you wouldn't have noticed otherwise.

3. Look to the Future Without Forcing it

I wanted to get pregnant again as soon as possible. How better to recover from the pain than to experience the joy of new life again? Unfortunately, my body has taken a long time to recover, and I am realizing that it will take even longer to emotionally and mentally recover. Don't rush it. When the time is right...I know, it's cliche, but I am hoping that it's true. 

Know that getting pregnant again will not cancel out that the miscarriage ever happened. It will be a joyous day, but it will not take away the fact that you have lost a child. I have spent months waiting to finally be "over it", and I'm discovering that that day will most likely never come. I have yet to decide how to spend December 19, what would have been the birthday of our first born child, and I'm not sure if that day will ever be the same. There will always be a part of you that loves that child and misses them. Progress to healing will be slow- a few steps forward and a few steps back, but it will come. 

4. Lean on Jesus

It make take a while to come to terms with what you believe. I avoided spending time in the Bible for a while, and my prayers would bounce between being deep and vulnerable to being shallow and superficial. It will happen, but don't close out the One who does truly understand how you are feeling and has the power to give you peace in the midst of it. He does have a good plan for you, and He will carry you through this difficult time to show you what He has next.